Trivial event provoking a rather significant opportunity for growth
Today it is raining, so a coincidence that RAIN shone some light, pardon the irony, on my heavy heart, (I can be slightly melodramatic and theatrical, excuse me).
I haven’t been doing my regular practice of meditation and analytical enquiry into the Self the past few days. This regular practice solidifies my knowing and even though, I don’t stop being ‘me’, I will have the experience of not being my authentic Self and so might my closest and dearest.
It came to a head when my husband said to me, ‘let’s just be positive today’ in a rather stern voice after I complained about his lunch plate being left on the bench, and not going into the empty dishwasher and then I further complained about the lunch he bought for us being too spicy. I took his comment ‘let’s be positive today’ personally, it seemed hurtful at the time. It wasn’t just this comment but a week of us not getting on superbly that I went into a sulky, slightly defensive state of mind. Taking something personal, stinks of egoic identity, doesn’t it? So right there and then, I became very identified with a limited sense of self. I don’t know why, or how, but it all happened very quickly.
It wasn’t until I shared my experience with my eldest daughter Ellie, that she shared Tara Brach’s RAIN practice with me, which by coincidence I have had the RAIN reminder on my vision board for the last ten years. If you haven’t heard it,here it is;
Recognise what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with interest and care;
Nurture with self compassion (or where from the image below…Not identify)
After I spoke to Ellie, I spoke to my youngest daughter Laura and through her gentle inquiry asking me to ask myself did I close my heart, has my heart stayed open? This triggered something in me. Even though earlier I asked myself where I was resisting, what could I let go of, nothing really shifted but asking if my heart was open, ohhh that hit the nail on the head. ‘I’ had closed my heart. Riddled with false identity, I constricted and closed down, a painful process when one is identified in personhood. Although I am well aware in the space of awareness, and as awareness itself, there is no one that is hurt or can be hurt, it is all in our imagination….it can seem very convincingly real at the time.
So I spoke to my cousin, Carole-Anne, still searching for understanding and clarity, and then facetimed my Dad and my Dad suggested I say I love you to my husband, and the thought of saying I love you at the time, ate away at something in me, I could feel my ego shriveling and squealing in pain, and my Dad seeing my face contort, laughed kindly and asked of me ‘why can’t you?’, ‘what will it hurt?’, ‘nothing’ he replied without waiting for my reply, ‘it won’t hurt you to be open and loving’.
Of course, it won’t hurt anything, as I am Love and the worse thing we can do to ourselves is close because we aren’t being true to ourselves and when we allow ourselves to be ourselves the world benefits from it, we experience ourselves as Love, and is that not the greatest gift we can bestow upon ourselves, being Love?
Being Love.
Setting aside issues of physical and mental abuse, because that is a whole other kettle of fish, that isn’t necessarily included in the scope of this blog. This is more in the general day to day activities, doing things for each other, sharing, and giving, in the nature of an open heart, an invincible heart, rooted in the understanding of being Love itself.
So RAIN helped today, clearing out the old and forgotten, and having people that can guide you back home, thank you family!
If you don’t have daughters, or cousins or dads, you have me. Let’s talk. Let’s share and if you don’t want to, you have access to countless spiritual teachers books, youtubes, blogs, quotes, videos, find something that speaks the truth to your Truth and LOVE.
